THE JAG: A Species Profile on the Blue Jaguar

by Jack Forgrave

When it comes to our beloved mascot, the Blue Jag, numerous naysayers claim that this majestic beast “isn’t even a real animal.” In response to this audacious slander, I have taken it upon myself to share the tale of this fine creature’s history, which will hopefully kindle a groundswell of school spirit in you all.

The noble Blue Jaguar (Panthera Caeruleus) was often described by field biologists as honest and courageous, and demanded much respect wherever it roamed. Its striking blue fur defied all principles of evolution, and was in fact a huge impediment to the predator’s camouflage, yet this indigo coat was emblematic of the fearsome Blue Jaguar. This was an animal that was such an exceptional hunter that it draped itself in blue just for the sport of it. While other animals desperately evolved more useful traits, this cocksure feline was taking evolutionary victory laps by painting itself more and more vibrant shades of blue.

However, despite its once-secure position at the top of the food chain, only memories of the proud Blue Jaguar remain. After being hunted to near-extinction for its stunning fur in 1870, the Blue Jaguar dwindled and is now considered completely extinct.

Its niche was heartlessly stolen by the mundane and decidedly unexciting regular Jaguar (Panthera Onca), whose pelts were worth next to nothing compared to those of the alluring azure Blue Jaguar.

Atop our paper and adorning our gym, the Blue Jag represents an undying, unyielding pride that prowls on regardless of the obstacles it faces. The reality of the Blue Jaguar, conversely, shows that the cruel, uncaring world can and joyfully will skin you of your glory, leaving you a husk of your former self. It is a reminder that all we care for will eventually fade into dust and decay, consumed by the gaping maw of an unfeeling universe.

I… hope this has pumped you all up with school spirit!

This story appeared in the December issue of The Jag student newspaper. Click here to read the full edition.

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